I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
