it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize