I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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