dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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