My room smells like vodka and shame
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
