My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
