ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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