I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
