@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
