There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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