He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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