he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
