i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
