im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
