i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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