just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
