I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am spending my child support on dildos
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
