wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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