I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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