you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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