my phone needs a breathalizer
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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