Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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