how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
