Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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