im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
