dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
