I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I will be naked everywhere
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
