he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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