Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
