if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
