i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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