I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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