you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
