this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
