You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
