Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
