i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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