u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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