Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize