Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
