i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
