when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize