I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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