ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
