I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
