So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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