Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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