He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
