I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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