hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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