I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
