you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
