why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
