dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
