I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
