I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
