the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
