Someone shit on the floor
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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