wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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