she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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