I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
