I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize