You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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