I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize