My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
