Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
