I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
