Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
