Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
